EAT YOUR ENEMIES CRISPY TREATS
Exclusive Recipe from Hot Mess Kitchen by Gabi Moskowitz and
Miranda Berman
And for our last recipe . . . we’re giving you cannibalism!
No, we’re not, obviously, but we are closing the book out with one of our favorite things: revenge. When there are no more tears to cry, the object of your fury is no longer answering your text messages, and you’re just mad as hell, take your anger out on a Rice Krispies treat version of him or her.
We suggest using mini M&M’s or chocolate chips to give your doll a face (or genitals), but don’t stop there! Does your wrongdoer wear pretentious glasses? Try some black licorice wrapped around her stupid cereal face. Does this guy have a horrible goatee? A bit of strategically placed cotton candy should do the trick. Does she have terrible fake blue hair? Sour straws! Sour straws in all the hipster hair colors!
Once you’ve made an edible version or your ex or enemy, it’s time to get all Norman Bates on it. We stabbed our marshmallow monster with toothpicks and a steak knife, but if you have other sharp objects, you should use them; be a creative stabber. Thumbtacks, a letter opener, old earrings, a (clean) cuticle cutter, or a lancet will all do the trick! You can also beat up your treat with a rolling pin or a hammer — it’ll still be tasty afterward.
Then enjoy eating your enemy — bite by bite. Say good-bye to your relationship in a very meaningful spiritual way. This human is dead to you (or at least its doll version is).
EAT YOUR ENEMIES CRISPY TREATS
Serves 8–10
INGREDIENTS
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, plus more to coat the pan (or use cooking spray)
1 (10-ounce) package marshmallows (or use 4 cups miniature marshmallows)
6 cups crispy rice cereal Miniature candy-coated chocolate pieces or chocolate chips, for decorating
DIRECTIONS
Grease a 13 × 9 × 2-inch baking pan with butter or line with parchment or wax paper.
In a large saucepan, melt the butter over low heat. Add the marshmallows and stir until completely melted, 5 to 7 minutes. Remove from heat.
Add the crispy rice cereal to the saucepan. Stir until the marshmallows and cereal are combined.
Using a buttered spatula, parchment or wax paper, or your buttered hands, evenly press the mixture into the prepared pan. Let cool for 15 minutes.
Use a sharp knife to trace the outline of a person (don’t worry if it’s not perfect — the person you’re replicating here obviously isn’t perfect either).
Create a face with the candy-coated chocolate pieces or chocolate chips, as desired.
Poke all over with toothpicks or other sharp tools until you feel better.
For more delicious recipes, check out Hot Mess Kitchen by Gabi Moskowitz and Miranda Berman. Published by Grand Central Publishing. Copyright © 2017 Gabi Moskowitz, Miranda Berman.
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